Last Friday was a bittersweet day, it was a day of lasts in a way. We are done with our last possession in Savannah — our first home. It was a place we poured hours into, where our friends became even more family and opportunity seemed to make itself present. We painted, we nailed, we landscaped, we gave it all we had and it gave back with opportunity after opportunity. The sale of our home marked a final goodbye to a chapter of our lives that we will never forget, my first home away from home. As I sit here and remember all the different aspects of the memories we had in that house I recognize that some are sweet others are angering, yet I recognize that they all come together to make my family what it is today.
I remember the first time I walked through the doors into the big vacant house that we had just signed a ton of papers to acquire. It was intimidating, foreign, and lonely in a way. As the days passed and the space changed it became ours. The walls changed colors and began to hold our old memories, the floors were no longer bare, the hallways echoed with the sounds of memories in the making. Our family grew and bonded in ways that only adapting a space to fit your life can change you — from pulling Big J around on a scaffold so he could paint our neverending living room walls, to deciding to have another baby our home on Saint Ives Drive held so many surprises for us. We made new friends and bonded with the old, we experienced joys we could not fathom otherwise and challenges that only made us stronger.
I also remember the day I found out I was leaving, less than a year after we walked through those doors for the very first time — I was sitting on the floor in our dining room piecing together a chicken wire window frame I intended to use for all the greeting cards we had gotten from our friends and family, my husband burst through the door a wide smile on his face absolutely BEAMING and all I could feel was my heart sinking and the tears streaming down my face. As I look back on that moment I am ashamed of my behavior, of the manner in which I handled my emotions (anger, fear, betrayal), I wish I could go back and change it. I should have shared my husbands excitement, I should have shared his pride in his accomplishment, I should have….just so many things but instead I focused on the loss, the sacrifice.
The last time I walked out those doors I was six months pregnant, I was saddened by the fact that my baby would never see the first home his parents had purchased. I was lost and confused about what the future would hold, I was two days from turning 26 and I just didn’t know how I was going to handle being a stay at home mom to two boys. I was terrified, I’ll let you in on a little secret, I still am. Savannah will always have its own place in my heart, it’s the first place I acquired the titles “wife” and “mama”; it’s the place I bought my first car, my first home, and got my first job outside of retail; it’s where I learned to be a mother and a wife and where I became more me. Savannah, I sincerely hope this is not goodbye, but a see you later, from the bottom of my heart I already miss you from your squares, to your beaches, to the historical parks, and all the memories your city limits hold I can’t wait to see you again.