We’ve all been there – a friend who already has a kid and is about to have another and we have no idea how to help them or what to get them or how to make their life easier. I get it. We don’t mean to be shitty friends but we just honestly have no idea what to do, how much to do, really we have no idea what the proper gestures are and we don’t want to overstep some imaginary boundary. As I sit here 1 week from my due date I have decided to create a guide to your mom friend who’s having another one.
Come up with any excuse to relieve her of her existing child(ren), she probably doesn’t want to part ways with him/her but she needs to. Be understanding that in her eyes these are the last couple of days where her only baby is her only baby and that she is probably very hesitant to waste any time she has with her only baby. With that being said she probably needs to. Show up and take the munchkin out for ice cream, to a splash pad, to a park — really anywhere. Make it seem like its gonna be a fun little date so she doesn’t pick up on the fact that you know she needs to rest.
If she’s not having a baby shower / gender reveal / party for this kid its ok, she’s probably just too exhausted / apprehensive / has guilt tripped herself out of one. You are not obligated to buy her any gifts and she’s honestly not expecting any, but if you do the key is to be thoughtful. Buy things that are unique for this baby: get something monogrammed (a blanket, a hat, an outfit) the poor kid is probably going to live his/her life in hand-me-downs. Otherwise BUY DIAPERS, it doesn’t matter what size and if she has a preference you probably already know it. You don’t have to go crazy, if she’s lucky she saved all the stuff you bought her last time and is so thankful all over again for how amazing people were that she just wants to rewrite all the thank you cards.
Don’t show up unannounced. This is a big one. She is tired, she is feeling like some sort of beached whale that for some reason still needs to chase a small person who frankly does not give a damn about how much pain the chasing is causing. Her house is probably a disaster and she’s probably mortified by how it looks. Give her enough time to come up with the energy to at least get the clothes in the hamper. Also, don’t be a guest. If you are coming to check on her don’t expect to be waited on hand and foot, offer to help (or just do it)–she has enough people relying on her she doesn’t need you to be an added burden.
Call her, text her, SnapChat her, send her a letter…make sure she’s alive. It’s a big change. If she’s desperate enough she’ll vent to you or ask you for a favor.
She probably doesn’t want to sit at home and wallow about how swollen her feet are. She probably also doesn’t want to go skydiving. She probably would, however, love to come over for hot dogs and smores. Be considerate in what you are inviting her to but don’t leave her out.
She is hungry, and she really doesn’t want to cook. Order a pizza, bring a casserole, throw something in a crockpot while you’re at her house, show up with a plan for a meal she will be eternally grateful. She will sing your praises and it might be the only thing she remembers you did her whole pregnancy.
Offer to help, but if she says she’s got it then back away. She probably feels pretty helpless a lot of the time so if she says she can strap her kid in the car seat then back away slowly, let her do the strapping it might be her only victory for the day.
Tell her she’s doing a good job. Whether it’s a cleaner than last time house, a new outfit, a good meal, a well dressed child — whatever it is just let her know she’s doing a good job somewhere cause heaven knows she needs the reassurance. I’m not telling you to flat out lie to her, just find one thing you can compliment her on and she’ll feel like a million bucks.
I hope you find this list helpful, thank you Amy for your very thoughtful additions! If there’s anything you think an expecting mom might be grateful for go ahead and add it in the comment section. As always like, comment, share, and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest! The best compliment you can give is letting us know you were here!